So I was doing my usual scrolling through social media on Monday, and saw my feed full of memes and posts about “The Smack” WTF! I did not watch the Oscars, but from what I can tell, what should have been a beautiful evening of celebration, turned out to be a ridiculous display of ego and emotions.
I don’t need to spend time trolling through the web to know this was caused by a lack of ability to control emotions, and a sad display of brotherhood. I will preface this with, I love my family, and I will drop everything to help them and come to their defense, but I don’t care what someone says about them, resorting to physical abuse over a verbal attack is not the answer.
And just to be clear, I do not think it’s okay to make fun of anyone, period. And I despise sarcasm. It shows a lack of character when someone makes fun of another’s illness and/or physical appearance. But you don’t meet that disrespect with more disrespect. That’s just tasteless!
I will go further to say that, making a joke, putting down a Black woman (on stage no less) is below a Black man’s character. In corporate America I worked in, and still currently work in, PW (predominantly white) spaces. We already have enough against us without our own putting us down. That’s a metaphorical slap in the face. Being “triggered” by someone else's stupidity is part of life. And snapping is a demonstration of not being able to handle emotional stress and lacking emotional intelligence.
What happened at the Oscars saddens me. So I’m going to use this opportunity as a teaching moment, because I know for myself, and maybe even some of you, I’ve been in that situation where someone said something dumd and I wanted to smack the shit out of them.
There are lots of ways to overcome emotional reactions and triggers, and one way to do this is self care. Self care is one of the best ways to manage stress. Take the time to learn more about yourself now, and when the time comes, you’ll have some resources in your tool bag. Keep reading for the ‘how to’s’.
How to manage stress - it’s a long distance run, not sprint
A. Make A Stress List - Make a list of the things in your life that currently or previously caused you stress. Typically our stress is caused by one of the following:
Traumatic event (death, birth, accident, illness, public ridicule)
Etc, any other concerns not listed
B. Think About Your Reactions To Stress - Notice your reactions. Do you:
Fight /become violent
Go silent/shut down
Yell/raise your voice
Blame shift, don’t hold self accountable
Laugh/make jokes about yourself/someone else
Get defensive, respond by putting someone (or yourself) down
Etc, any other reaction not listed
Our body sends us warning signs that we need to pay attention to. So being able to catch it before it blows up into something bigger is imperative. Where do you notice stress in your body? Not sure how to notice/locate it in your body? Consider if you frequently experience any of these things:
Always tired/low energy
Sex drive - low, too high
Sleeping too much/ not enough
Too much energy/can’t slow down
Frequently not feeling well (stomach, digestive, etc)
Blood flow/fire feeling beginning to rise in the body
Etc, or any other issues that are not listed above
The fact of the matter is that there is always going to be stress, it’s unavoidable. However, once we can learn how to manage our response to the stressors/triggers in life, our perspective begins to change and shift. And what normally would have crippled us and taken us out for hours/days/months/years, becomes less and less of an issue in our lives. And what would have caused us to react immaturely, and/or have to clean up an even bigger mess later, becomes issues that we can handle with grace. The more comfortable we get with our reactions to stress and the emotions that arise when faced with challenges, the better we can respond.
Self care is the key. Discover what works for you and create a routine. Self study leads to self care, self care leads to self control, and self control leads to self confidence. So if you want to stand fully and confidently in yourself, and be unbothered by others stupidity, check out these eight ways to take your self care seriously:
Shift The Energy - Get moving (physically). Go for walks, do breathing exercises, martial arts, yoga, workout, get out of your head and into your body
Learn Work Life Balance - Learn how to set boundaries. Make “office hours” if you work from home, and stick to it. Adjust your hours accordingly, so that everyone wins
Manage Your Hours - Use an app, calendar, planner, whatever to keep yourself accountable for all that you need to fit in a day. You can even set reminders to help you
Counteract Negative Thoughts - We are going to be our worst critic. So when negative self talk starts, memorize some words of affirmations to repeat in those moments
Skip The Gossip - Whether it’s office gossip, friend circle gossip, family gossip, or social media gossip, it’s a waste of time. Let it go! It doesn’t serve you
Release Perfection/Procrastination - Wanting and waiting for something to be perfect leads to procrastination. Sometimes done is better than perfect. Learn to edit/change/adjust/update along the way
Go On A Vacation/Retreat - Time off is always a great way to manage stress. Make yourself a priority. Plan now so that you have something to look forward to
Seek Some Support - Whether it’s a group at work, your BFF, a counselor or a life coach, know that you don’t have to do this alone. Be brave enough to ask for help
Lastly, I want to leave you with some things you can do in the heat of the moment, when you feel stressed, triggered, and are about to snap. Here are eight quick and easy ways to reground, raise your vibrations, and/or alleviate stress:
Sing or hum
Bust out your playlist
Sit in the sun for 5 min
Do a quick breath exercise
Hold crystals in your hands
Walk barefoot on the grass
Close your eyes for 3min, breath, listen
Clear yourself and your space with incense, sage, essential oils
I hope this blog has helped you in some way, shape or form. And if it has, feel free to share it with someone else in need. And if self care suggestions (7) Retreat or (8) Support caught your attention, and you need some guidance, please feel free to check out my website and schedule a free clarity call to find out more about how I can help.